Obsessive Compulsions

You’d be hard-pressed to find an individual who hasn’t heard of the term ‘obsessive-compulsive disorder’, or its more common abbreviation ‘OCD’. In fact, a lot of people use it to refer to themselves or others, about how they’re ‘OCD about’ something (say, keeping their desks tidy). Like many terms (like the term ‘crazy’, for example), it’s often used to refer to people or situations that don’t entirely qualify, and like most such usages, no one really thinks twice about it.

One portrait of obsessive-compulsives was the 1997 film As Good as It Gets, starring Jack Nicholson as a writer who has a strict routine, including sitting at the same table at the same restaurant every day, being served by the same waitress, and so on. When forced out of his routine, he becomes agitated and (as I recall) seems rather panicked.

Obsessive-compulsive disorder has a few criteria for diagnosis. The DSM IV defines obsessions as recurrent thoughts, impulses, or images that are intrusive and caused anxiety or distress, which are not excessive worries about actual problems. The person knows that they’re all in his or her head and tries to suppress them because they are interfering with the sufferer’s life.

An example for this might be a friend I once knew, who, as a child, had images of her own (extremely violent) death suddenly running through her mind, out of nowhere. She would be walking down the street and suddenly have an image in her mind of herself running into traffic, dying in an excessively (and unrealistically) violent fashion. She didn’t understand why she kept having these images; she wondered if she was suicidal, but given that she didn’t feel suicidal, that seemed unlikely.

Compulsions are repetitive behaviours that the person is compelled to perform, either according to a rigid set of rules, or as in response to an obsession. The behaviours are meant to prevent or at least reduce distress, or prevent something bad from happening, but the compulsion is not related to the event, or is excessive. 

To be diagnosed with OCD, you must have either an obsession, a compulsion, or both. I always thought I might be mildly obsessive-compulsive, but after reading the description from Wikipedia (my source for the above), I came to the conclusion that I’m not. Even ‘mildly’ obsessive-compulsive individuals would have to follow the above criteria, it just wouldn’t be ‘as bad’.

I started wondering what might explain the situation that I had, the symptoms, if you will, that I thought were odd or unusual that other people didn’t seem to have. I wondered if it was maybe just the way I was, that there wasn’t anything wrong with me and I was just weird about things. A little more research indicated that I might be right.

I came across another Wikipedia article about a similar-but-different condition called ‘obsessive compulsive personality disorder‘, and this sounded, to me, a lot more like me. OCD, as mentioned above, is a troubling, intrusive set of obsessions or compulsions that disrupt a person’s life, that they know is excessive, and that they try to deal with, and that didn’t fit me.

Some examples from Wikipedia:

• Time becomes a problem when they dwell for so long on getting something “right” that they stand the chance of not finishing in time. (I was terrible for this in high school)
• They may even insist on taking over a task someone else is doing so that it will be done properly. (‘Here, let me do it’)
• Uncleanliness is, in the eyes of some OCPD individuals, a form of lack of perfection, as is untidiness. (When my apartment isn’t tidy, I don’t want to go home)
• Money is of concern because many OCPD sufferers are anxious about the potential for things to go wrong in their lives. (more than somewhat)
• They may hoard items for a ‘rainy day’. (oh yes)

I could go on (ironically, I would love to make an exhaustive list), but you get the idea. Sets. Counting. Particulars. ‘Sort by file type’. It’s all mild stuff, and it’s nothing I can’t stop doing – if I have to. I just don’t want to. Why would I?

Most people I know or meet don’t know the extent of it. I’ve learned subtle tricks to pick the table I want at a restaurant, I buy DVDs as part of a set or not at all, and so on.

This may be part of the reason that I don’t get along with most people long-term. It may also be the reason that I tend to want to do projects ‘right’, in a complete manner – which, combined with my ADD, can often result in projects not getting completed at all.

So what to do about it? Well, nothing. OCPD isn’t generally a diagnosed disorder and isn’t generally treated. In extreme cases, medications can be prescribed; in less extreme cases, therapy. In my case? I’m probably ok. Most of what I do I’ve learned to deal with, and once you’re aware of the problem it gets a lot easier.

This is a perfect example of a point I was trying to make in my previous post on mental health. Just because you have a disorder or condition doesn’t mean you’re crazy. There’s a label to the way I behave, but I’m not defined by that label. Just like you can have ten red cars, none of which are exactly the same colour, you can have ten people with OCPD (or anxiety disorder, or ADD), all of whom are different – each of whom is their own person.

We are not defined by our labels, but they are a convenient way to ‘ballpark’ certain things. Telling someone a car is red doesn’t tell them exactly what shade of red the car is, but it gives them an idea. Telling someone that you have a certain condition or disorder doesn’t tell them what you’re like, but it might put things about you into perspective.

Obsessive-compulsive personality disorder is a real disorder, classified in the DSM IV-TR (the same place you’ll find OCD described). It’s real, not just something that some group made up to get sympathy, or something doctors use to make excuses for patients. Yet, I’m not crazy. I’m not in a psych ward. I’m not even taking medication for it – and people don’t even know that I have it (until they read this, I suppose).

So again, if you have issues, don’t be afraid to talk about them. If you’re worried people will think you’re crazy – chances are those aren’t the kinds of people whose opinions should matter to anyone, least of all you. Don’t be afraid to talk to people about it. What’s important isn’t hiding the problem so no one besides you sees it, but rather working on the problem so that no one – including you – has to worry about it.